Steps In The Darkness
I am the vampire messiah.
I am the one they have awaited for so long.
I know I am.
I knew, a long time before all this had come pass; I knew deep inside that there was a purpose to my existence, an old and ancient purpose.
Where did I come from?
How did I come to be here, to be me, to be exactly what I am, and how did all my footfalls lead me to be here and now?
Was there ever a time when I could have chosen to make it different, to stop all this from happening?
I know there wasn’t.
This is not my doing, and none of this is my choice.
I am an instrument.
I am a catalyst.
I have a task and I have a purpose, long planned, long devised, and I don’t know what it is.
I can’t see that far ahead.
I am on a path that is dark to me in all directions.
Where I place my foot, the next part of the path arises in return; and this is how its always been, and nothing I could ever do could make the slightest change.
I tried to kill myself a dozen times or more, before that night came and I was commanded to attend the exhibition.
I took pills and overdoses; I tried to hang myself. I opened my veins in a warm bath like the old Romans did; that was romantic but once again, by a sheer fluke of luck or tragedy, I was found in time.
Once, I jumped off a motorway bridge.
I broke my legs, my hips, my shoulder. I caused a massive pile up in which five innocent people died. But I lived again, healed perfectly again.
That’s when I gave it up for a lost cause.
Someone, something wanted me to live, but I could never figure out why.
What was my purpose? I still don’t know the answer to that question, but now I know that I’ll find out, if I keep taking just that single step into the darkness, one at a time.
Over time, that makes a trail that leads from A to B, perhaps to Z, from alpha to omega even.
Some things I know.
I know that I have to take my new house of vampires wild to the Festival of Blessings. I know that much.
I know that there is still more preparation, that we have to go into the underworld, what a fun term that is, indeed, and wake the sleeping Arada there.
I know that the Arada are exactly placed to be the perfect compliment and power source for this my house; that just as many years ago as it had taken, very specifically selected individuals were chosen and put here so that they would be here, right now.
All through this thing, there had been always a sense of recognition.
When I met Adela Bach, I already knew her; when I met Edwards, the sense of being involved in an ancient play that had been running to exhaustion was already there, for him as well as was for me.
Gaius and Margaret, from the opposing ends of the scale, they could be no-one else, and all of this is like a totally inevitable – well, I might as well use that term for I don’t know what else to call it – this is a totally inevitable unfoldment, just like a river must run down the hills and through the valleys so that it may join the sea, become an ocean.
I am calm within.
Sometimes, a trace of wonder or surprise, appalment, insecurity, fear, indecision sweeps along, much like a piece of wrapping paper blows down a street; it is entirely of no concern and one might wonder for the briefest moment where it will eventually go, where it will end up but then it is gone from view and ceases to exist.
There is a certain security in knowing that I don’t know what I’m doing, but at the same time, I can’t do it wrong.
I’ve accepted that and now, I just move the events or perhaps, the events move me, or perhaps, I am an event that has its place and that is that, when all is said and done.
I watch and listen with detached interest as all the members of my house engage within themselves, within each other and learn the things that they must learn, change into who they must be when time has come.
There is in truth just one more thing now left to do.
I wait with patience and observe as they all find each other, go through their unfoldments as they must and settle down in their new states of being, in their new positions, most specific for each one; they might not know this yet for sure but we are a machine, a living organism where each aspect needs to be in correct correlation and functioning as one.
As yet, the bigger picture can’t be seen; for that, we need the six Arada who are dreaming still and getting ready for us, just as we are getting ready to embrace them, add their fuel into our machine.
Before we do this, I need to address the others, stabilise the system, draw us together, and then, we can take the next step into the darkness.
Halls Of Marble
I have called the house together in a special place.
On the plane of existence where I first met with Mark Edwards and with Xiao Hong, I have constructed a meeting place.
I went there, where the blue endless sky lies above an endless sweep of greenest valley, and the building grew from the structure of the land; a white temple building, perfect proportions, the ancient mother and father to the temples of the ages.
I know this building well.
I’ve dreamed of it, I’ve walked amidst the halls of marble and of ice; and I wondered what its purpose was.
As I watch it become and shape itself into existence, I know the purpose.
This is our house.
It is a massive structure, built for giants; and of course, we are, we are much more and so much larger than we think, still bound to memories of bodies and of human dimensions as we are.
I smile and think of Eldrich, growing his appearance so he could fit his suit.
This building serves a purpose similar to this.
In order to inhabit it, we shall have to grow in every way.
In order to inhabit it, and to use it.
For now, I shall simply call a meeting.
Round Table At the heart of the marble halls lies a circular room, vast and entirely without decoration. In the center stands a round and sweeping construction, more of a balcony that a table as such, which allows for many to stand in a circle, place their hands on the railing and become a part of a conductor that involves not just the building and the plane from which it has arisen, but a great deal more beside.
The central space is empty and great; there is room for things to manifest, to be observed, for portals to open – I see so many things, I’m not sure if I remember these things or if I am picking up on information that is resident right here.
It matters little, I guess.
There are no chairs here, and the circular sweep of the white marble railing shows no positional preference.
This is a true round table, without hierarchy, for equals to come together and to make things happen, dramatic things, wonderful things, miraculous things.
I walk to the table, step up and place my hands upon the cool white marble. It immediately begins to draw on me, conduct me and at the same instance, feeds me back upon myself, both directions at the same time, a surprising and pleasant sensation. If I stood here for long enough, all by myself, I’m sure I’d learn many things about me in this way.
But that is not why I am here.
I look up to the ceiling, high, sweeping arched dome rising above the round table. Here, I know I can see anything I choose; for now, I choose to see my house, and that is not the building there in London on a different plane and then it was, but my companions who have settled down into their new and different states of being and who are awaiting just this call.
They are a system already, strong, bound by many strands of all their interactions. You can see it taking shape and you can see the same that it is not yet finished; has not yet reached a new potential that will break a threshold and it will become a different entity entirely.
Yet even that is already here; prescribed in whispers of a future yet to come, or of a past that once had been; in this place, it is difficult to tell the difference, or perhaps there is no difference, when all is said and done.
I reach to them, I call them and I set a pulsing note to guide them here.
One by one, they break formation and they fly towards my guiding star, elegant swooping and soaring each and every one; beautiful they are, bright, alert and ready, each one a powerhouse of many different things, and as they swarm towards me I am filled with pride, and with delight, and then, with nothing but my love and admiration for their pure existence and all their many states of being.
One by one, they break through the roof of the building, come from the stars, shiny light creatures with wings, beautiful ephemeral dragons, and their shape is shifting as they come to land in their positions at the table, they shift and grow to the dimensions of the halls and manifest, one at a time.
Gaius Levinius is first, followed by Mark Edwards and Adela Bach.
Alexandra arrives, Xiao Hong, John Eldrich. I unfold Margaret Crawley from within me so she too may take her place her and she flutters into being on my right.
Each one stands, and each one rises to the new occasion, this new environment that does demand a certain shape, invites a certain state of being, and as we grow, and then begin to glow and lose some aspects of our human states and in return, gain others that we held but never thought to show, nine angels have arrived within the marble hall and now, they place their hands and wings upon the circular conductor, making us as one.
This is union of unknown power, multi-fold dimensions.
We rush into and through each other.
Aspects are dislodged and carried; systems find new components and give up others in return; the flow is a continuum that seeks to find its level, its perfect balance throughout and therefore by needs it changes us to its own preferences, clears us up, removes some things that don’t belong with us and brings us new information, food, connectors, parts of bridges, a fascinating process that begins to slow as less and less is needed to be done, and finally, we resonate in absolute perfection and in perfect harmony, and the stream simply passes through each one, connects us, yet we are a group of clearly defined individuals who share a common goal, and nothing more.
I extend a welcome to us all and I receive all of our smiles and welcomes in return, including my own.
We are in deep alignment and in harmony.
We shimmer into existence in the old house in London, in the formal reception room where there is plenty of floor space for us to keep our respective formation upon arrival.
I take a moment to adjust myself and look around the circle.
I have to smile at us.
Each one of us presents in a specific way, and it seems, there have been changes.
I am still wearing a tuxedo, but it is white – to any unwary human, I must look like a 1980s pop star and I find it amusing that I should have brought this angelic existence thing, this saviour thing, into this reality in such a crass metaphor. But why not? There is no merit in being coy, or second guessing myself; so I’m wearing a white tuxedo today.
I could be wearing women’s clothes, and a woman’s body if I wanted to, it makes no difference, really, it doesn’t.
Lady Adela comes dressed in a flowing gown of green and pink shimmering silk and Edwards looks like a 19th century bridegroom in an old fashioned suit of subtle grey with a high collared ruffled shirt and matching grey silk necktie. He looks older, there is even a touch of silver over his ears. It suits him, it is more congruent than that Peter Pan look he used to hold.
John Eldrich is hardly recognisable. He looks very young, boyish, charming; and Alexandra too seems to have lost a few years since her last manifestation.
Xiao Hong, on the other hand, seems to have gained at least a couple of decades and comes in full glow of an amazing mature woman, in oriental luscious red, gold and green. Gaius is younger than he was, more physical, more present, and Margaret … I look at her and have to give her a small bow. The amazing thing is that she doesn’t look that much different from how she did, but she appears entirely transformed, with poise and clarity, radiance and strength, a cool beauty that is immensely attractive in her understated suit of dove grey that accentuates her eyes and skin.
We are an interesting group, to be sure, and should I have seen us at a party or a gathering of any kind, I would have been most intrigued and might have tried to sneak my way into this circle.
We are present, and correct, and now it is time to awaken the Arada.
I am quite excited by the notion; the group is excited and that puts a double vibrancy into the atmosphere, into this time space.
As one, we turn and the nearest to the door leads the way out and into the corridor, to the bright mirror that is the doorway to the underworld. Gaius phases through the mirror, and we follow, one after the other.
I am the last to pass through and begin the descent down the spiral stairs into the womb of this house.
The Arada are aware of us.
They lie so still and pale, their bodies are already thin and fragile but their other bodies have grown strong and they fill in the gaps.
The sense of excitement that we are bringing to this occasion is mirrored by the Arada and adds a third dimension; now excitement is all around and everywhere, and I become aware that I am trembling.
There are six Arada, and there are eight of us.
How are we going to do this? Should there be some kind of ceremony, a speech perhaps? We’re all standing at the foot of the stairs in a group and looking across the empty floor space to the center where the altars of the Arada support them gently and lovingly.
The room is resonant and filled with dreams, with thoughts, and with desire; with energies of all kinds, with vibrations; ours and theirs, and back to when there were others here, other sleepers, other feeders, other caretakers for they too left a part of themselves behind, imprints of their existence, like initials carved into a desk.
I feel the others are waiting for me, waiting for my decision, for my next move but I’m unsure.
It is true that as I see their colours and their vibrant webs, I can feel the now familiar hunger building up, a hunger that is not for food and feeding, but for union, to be sure; but each is a treasure, each one is unique, and I can’t choose a one amongst them.
I want them all, and equally.
I step back slightly from the situation to give me room to think, to seek for guidance, and I notice that the others feel the same way as I do; they too can’t seem to make a choice.
And then I know and I remember what to do.
We all took John together; it was a starburst union, five to one, a fantastic celebration of his birth into this new part of his life, immensely satisfying and complete; this is a similar situation and of course, we just had practice in the halls of marble how to be together, and as one.
As I know, everyone knows; and as though we were one body, all of us begin to walk and we take our places then; one of us to one Arada, apart from Gaius and I.
Here now, we shift and as we do, Gaius takes the lower dimension whilst I rise up so that we form a double six sided pyramid, a fantastic diamond shape between us which holds the Arada within.
Inside this field, the Arada begin to awaken, charged they are by the pure and powerful energies that our beings channel from node to node; they begin to awaken, but they also begin to draw together, and this is as it should be, for they will make a union first amongst themselves, and then what they are, and what we are, will combine, pass in and through and out of one another, thus making this great union then complete.
I am amazed that I know exactly what this is, that I know what to do and that Gaius and I hold this whole field steady at the poles; we are bright stars of immense power and we both direct and stabilise the entire unfoldment, this entire grid.
In unison, we begin to step up the flow of energy through our system; we speed it up, make it faster, stronger, and that pushes the Arada in the center closer towards union; faster, faster still and then they catalyse – a wondrous implosion, then a fountain birth of utter brilliance that rushes into all dimensions but is encapsulated and embraced by our field, then channelled into it – as they come home to us, as they join us, it is a brightwhite wave that leaves no consciousness behind of any kind, and makes us all be one, and many.